When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive.... So, I took her to a gas station..... And then the fight
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?
answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't
at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd
like to phone
a friend." And then the fight started....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have
to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my
Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife
about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should
have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too' And then
the fight started.....
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to
the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The
wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the
radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back
into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled
up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 30 years
'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?' And
how the fight started ...
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I
my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we
split up those many & years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could
celebrating that long?' And then the fight started.....
I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were alongside the road
and slowly the other driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes
you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!! He stormed over to my
car, looked up at me, and shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY! !!' So, I looked
down at him and said, 'Well, then which one are you?' And then the
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.' He
'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?' 'Nah, she can order for
herself.' And then the fight started.....
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I
look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The
husband replies, 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.' And then the