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About LinkBacksWell, an MBA doesn't mean she can wipe her own butt, especially when the doting mother is in the same county. The kid has never had to grow up (she's 30), and when I try to assist in that goal, it is all my fault when feelings get hurt.....
Well, an MBA doesn't mean she can wipe her own butt, especially when the doting mother is in the same county. The kid has never had to grow up (she's 30), and when I try to assist in that goal, it is all my fault when feelings get hurt.....
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. -William G. McAdoo, lawyer and politician (1863-1941)
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Originally Posted by Uncle Dave
I don't think very much of your plan.
Allow me to suggest an alternative.
1. Change all the locks.
2. Change your phone number.
3. The End.
I considered the BrettDawg approach for a while, but decided to take more measured steps when I was handed a box of kleenex and jar of vaseline and asked "what a years supply would cost."
I thought it best to compromise in this case.
UD
Great thread Uncle Dave!
Brettdawg, I busted out laughing when I saw you last post....LMFAO
I have a 19 year old daughter that is costing me a fortune! I am not complaining, but college is expensive.
Not that I am "Ward Cleaver", far from it, but in my home, everything is paid for while she attends college, which will cost me out of pocket for just this school year, $27,000. (Christ, the sorority cost alone is $4700)
This thread caught my eye because I truly fantasize about the day when I no longer have a single bill regarding her. That is the day I will feel rich.
At least with a daughter, there is a chance that she will meet "Mr Right" and he will agree to take over payments from this dad! (humor)
Uncle Dave, I too get completely pissed off when I see my kid staying up till the wee hours of the night then sleeping all day. I know how you feel!
One last thing, the best thing about having a daughter, is that I have had more sorority girls on my boat than I ever thought possible! I am that guy at the Sand Bar with a boat full of chicks (my wife would probably differ with the way I stated it here). It actually isn't as fun as it sounds, since I am a Dad, but at ain't bad either! (you must keep a clean mind and no matter what, I try not to tell her friends that they need breast reduction surgery!.....very difficult to do after a couple of drinks) humor
C-Ya
In 1999 my son was 23 years old, had his AA in hand, no job, lost his car, impounded no lic tag. He was going into the Navy to finish his education. A week before he was the leave he tested positive for marijauna. His mother meet him at the front door. My wife is a elementary school teacher mind you. She told him: You F--king lied to me! Pack you clothes and get out of my house.
That night we watched our son walk down our front walk, no job, no car, no money and no where to live. We closed the front door sat on our couch and cried our eyes out. Within a week he was
in Alaska working at Nation Park. Fast forward 2011 he is now working at a major hotel in Reno.
Married to a college professor and just gave us our 3rd grandson. I was the hardest decision I
have ever made. He has thanked us both countless time for throwing him out.
If you are there step father, it needs to come from Mom and agreed by both of you. Unless your
sons were raised most of there lives by you as I was.
If she not 110% on board you will pay a hefty price my friend.
When Mama's not happy nobodies happy.
Last edited by Oldschool427; 08-22-2011 at 06:26 PM.
Thanks for the stories everyone, very informational and inspring.
The guys had their suits tailored, and have both been on numerous interviews but from either lack of firsthand experience or a poor job fit have not landed a position. A good effort to date, but no results.
We took the next step in volunteering their time as promised and laid out to them.
TOMORROW they now split their time 4 hours per day at a charity called upward bound that feeds, clothes and temporarily shelters homeless families and works to transition them to a solid place in life (teach them how to fish).
They will spend the other half days searching for work. 9-5 they are "out".
I cant help but believing that working for free doing mechanical "dirty work" is good for the soul, reminds one of how lucky one actually is and how much work success requires, and is a "stimulation" to find paid work.
lifestyle 2.0 begins..the slow steady pressure is building........
Uncle Dave
Why the hell would you do a thing like that.....Thats just...UnAmerican.....My Gawd man....think about what yer sayin'
Within the heart of every stray lies the singular desire to be loved. "Good grief you're an irritating blowhard...." [Tex 6/16/11]
I feel for you UD.. I'm in pretty much the same boat. Got 2 step kids at home.. 21 Y.O. who just recently got a job and a 23 Y.O. Who is on probation...
The advice of getting the wife on board to set the stage is great. My wife is an enabler from hell and doesn't back me on enforcing the ground rules set (23 Y.O. is up till 3 am each night playing "Tour of Duty" and won't even begin to look for a job.) They've been in the house for over a year and I don't see an end to this.. Makes for a pretty uncomfortable home life.
On a positive note.. it has definately helped my career,, I have no issue staying at work till dark-o-thirty every night!!
Livin at Lake Powell!!
I was in same boat..I have been with my wife for 9 years now and same with my step son..I helped rase him for the 9 years..rules were not much at all,hes a great kid.. yard work.good grades 3.0 or better play football.stay out of jail, no to drugs,keep room clean, no food or drink in room,just be a kid and have fun..hunt.camp, dirt bike ride,fish.boating.anything he wanted we did...great kid..
Turned 18,and thought he was the boss,did nothing quit school and football,He had a full time 4 year ride to school to play football At az.He came home for break,,what i thought was break but he quit come to find out.When he was home I asked him for help around the farm..everything was half ass lazy...never kept his room up,up all night.just went down hill.So i asked his mom for help,she was on board.. for about 6 mouths is all i could handel...thing were just building up,the last straw was..his truck broke.i fixed it..The next day he was going to his g/f house and he had to clean up around the place before he left.his last words were I WILL NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU THE REST OF MY LIFE..So he got kicked out in about 2 min later,lives with his g,ma.. I have seen him maybe 3 times over the last year.He really does not even call or come out to see his mom......sad...SO Hold to your ground rules..and if they are broken time to fly the coop...good luck in your deal
I have stayed away from this thread, but I will try to keep it short. Two kids, and mom is soft--shall we say. My daughter at 18 was working and going to school, but causing many problems at home. Same argument with wife--daughter has to move out and mom was not going along and it was time for me to go. Finally, daughter caused one too many problems and one evening I threw her out. Took her car keys and gave her 20 minutes to grab her things. It was tough on mom, but she knew it had to be done.
I believe in being the eye in the sky--meaning I will watch over my kids, without them knowing, but will not provide a known safety net. Everyone I grew up with who had parents who bailed them out of any and everything(safety net) never amounted to anything. I did not speak or see her for three years--mom did see her. However, she stayed in school and was working and did what she had to in order to survive. ( crappy apt, in a crappy area, but close to work and bus stop for school) It was a very hard time for Mom.
The time came when she hit a fork in the road. She had bought a used car for double what it was worth--high % loan. Thought she had ins, because she was paying to a "friend" who claimed she had her on a policy. She was hit and car total loss. She was OK, but no ins, no car and payments. Time for dad to step in. Layed out the rules.
1. Move back to the area--not home.
2. Transfer to local college and get degree,
3. Work to pay her living expenses,
4. No disruption to the family.
I put her in an apt. Took care of the car situation and legal matters. Bought her a new car and insured it. She was only allowed at the house upon invitation. When she graduated from college on her dime, I agreed to pay for law school. I am happy to report that she has married and I have a grandson and she has recently passed the Bar and works for me. She can be difficult at times, but we all talk about the above situation and agree it was the best for all involved. She has even told Mom, that she knew how to play her and did and would have continued to do so, had I not had her leave.
Best of luck UD. This is a difficult time, but it shall pass.
Regards, SSC
Conquest Top Cat 1, 525.
UPDATE! Jobs...
Some progress.
The guys have both been offered Part Time sales/Cashier jobs.
1 For Sears
1. for K-mart
Its basically part time/ full time work. Not glamorous, but I didn't think bussing tables was but I did it...
They will be volunteering the remainder of whatever 40 hour week will be lest at the shelter
Its a step toward adulthood and a step toward independence.
One step at a time but finally were moving.
Uncle Dave
Back in the day you can have/carry out a plan at an early age in this stage of the game dont sell yourself or them short. My boys (24 and 26) both make good money and work all day every day they are saving their money to purchase their first homes/condos. I am working with them so that they get the right start and if it takes a little bit longer then so be it.
These are my kids and blood and i need them to get off on the right foot and it it takes a little extra on my part its worth it. I dont know why society thinks that young adults should fend for themselves and learn the hard way. In my opinion its starts them out on the wrong foot.
Sounds like you are a good dad Mark.
I see nothing wrong with and in fact commend your dedication to your boys.
Sounds like you set an expectation and are living up to it.
Not sure what societies view is as I dont read up on the latest parenting sites, or mags.
Adult children living at home was part of the deal when I chose to accept 2 teenage boys into my home that ARE NOT my children.
I don't beleive you have "grown up" until you can stand on your own 2 feet and be completely independent of your parents or family and prefer the concept of the unseen safety net to extended home time.
Uncle Dave
Last edited by Uncle Dave; 10-15-2011 at 10:12 PM.
^^^This is the first time I have seen this...^^^
Thats some funny chit...
Uncle Dave, hang tough bro...I think your doing exactly what my parents would have done to me... Its a tough situation BUT this too will pass... THEN your gonna be changing the stinky diapers of your grandchildren in no time... HA, look for the silver lining gramps...
Last edited by 2manymustangs; 10-16-2011 at 05:16 AM.
Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution. That must be maintained, for it is the only safeguard of our liberties......... Honest Abe..........
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