My sister left her husband a few months back over a similar situation as hkunz's. She dealt with it for years and finally figured he was never gonna side with my sister so she left. They were together like 12 years (I always thought he was a tool ).
One of my kids is taking a while "to find himself".... but he's working, paying rent and helps around the house if told to. Not going to school or really moving himself forward IMHO. Really like the kid, lots of fun to hang around, but a couple more years we'll probably have to start leaning on him to get with the program.