The Electric Fence
+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast
Results 1 to 14 of 19

Thread:
The Electric Fence

  1. #1
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    El Cajon, CA.
    Posts
    3,605

    Default The Electric Fence

    Thought y'all should read this in case you're thinking of installing an electric fence!

    We have the standard 6ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city.

    To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence. Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence.

    I then used an 8 ft. long ground round, drove 7.5 feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

    One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Walmart 6hp bigwheel pushmower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way. It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

    Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 gigavolt fencewire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover. Time stood still. The first thing I notice is my balls trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain.. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

    It seems as though the fence charger and the POS lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

    Science says you cannot crap, pee, and come at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand in a jet boat.


    At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences... but Dad always had those POS chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled. This I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

    'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

    Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, jizz, and with my balls on my chest I think 'Oh God, please die... pleeeeze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go
    command from its owner's right foot.

    So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day... he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created...

    I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.... I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned. There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot were the wire had layed while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire. Upon waking from my
    electrically induced sleep I realized a few things.

    1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

    2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek
    (not the left, just the right).

    3- Poop, pee, and semen when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

    4- My left eye will not open.

    5- My right eye will
    not close.

    6- The lawnmower runs like a sumnabitch now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

    7- My balls are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long

    8- I can turn on the TV in the gameroom
    by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still dont understand this?)

    That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

    The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I
    mow.

  2. Remove Advertisements
    PerformanceBoats.com
    Advertisements
     

  3. #2
    Senior Member JDG911's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    MESA
    Posts
    1,090

    Default

    that is f--ing funny wish i could of seen that ,people would probly pay to laugh that hard.

  4. #3
    Cantard 71hallett's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    snow bank
    Posts
    5,017

    Default

    hahah nice one!!
    Quote Originally Posted by gn7 View Post
    It would be a balmy 85* in Steel's shop if he would move a little faster

  5. Remove Advertisements
    PerformanceBoats.com
    Advertisements
     

  6. #4
    E-7 Sheepdog (ret) SmokinLowriderSS's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Newton Ks.
    Posts
    6,834

    Default

    Lmfao!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."
    H.L. Mencken

    OBAMA: Some people deserve this.
    The rest of us are being dragged along kicking and screaming.

  7. #5
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    El Cajon, CA.
    Posts
    3,605

    Default

    I had tears just rolling down my face from laughing so hard, this one was actually courtesy of GAWnCA.

  8. #6
    Senior Member moneysucker's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Descanso, California, United States
    Posts
    2,225

    Default

    No youtube video on that one? Come on!!! I will come over and film it if you will do it again.

    Cy
    Vinyl Graphics, Magnetic signs, Reg #s, Boat names, Banners, Boat decals, Etc. Please contact me Via facebook or e-mail [email protected].

  9. #7
    CANT RE MEMBER FARMER JOHN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    DOME VALLEY,AZ
    Posts
    1,159

    Default The Cat Bit It

    I'VE BEEN AROUND ELECTRIC FENCES ALL MY LIFE, SEEN SOME PRETTY WEIRD SHIT,
    MY GIRL WAS HAVING TROUBLE KEEPING HER CATS INSIDE THE FENCE, WELL I PUT A ELECTRIC WIRE AROUND THE TOP OF THE FENCE TO KEEP THEM IN,
    THE NEXT DAY I WENT BY AND THERE WAS SOME PRETTY MESSED UP CATS HOBBLEING AROUND, I LOOKED AT THE CHARGER AND THERE WAS A PICTURE OF A HORSE, ON THE FRONT IT SAID, NOT FOR DOGS OR OTHER SMALL ANIMALS!! I GUESS I DID'NT THINK THIS ALL THE WAY THROUGH

    BUT THE CATS WHERE STILL INSIDE

  10. #8
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    El Cajon, CA.
    Posts
    3,605

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by FARMER JOHN View Post
    ... BUT THE CATS WHERE STILL INSIDE
    and that's what really matters!

  11. #9
    Senior Member JDG911's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    MESA
    Posts
    1,090

    Default

    THATS AWSOME JOHN. MY GRANDPA USE TO TELL US THE HOT FENCE WAS OFF TO THE PASTURE WHEN MY BROTHER AND I WERE LITTLE AND WE WOULD GET ZAPPED (NOT FUNNY) AT THE TIME BUT IT SURE IS FUNNY NOW.

  12. #10
    Senior Member jetboatperformance's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Atascadero Calif
    Posts
    7,463

    Default

    Funny stuff Rod (leave it to Greg) That whole event was prolly preceded by the words " hey ya'll watch this" I get so many jokes from him hes got his own E-file

  13. #11
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    546

    Default

    thats funny , good laugh, merry x-mas

  14. #12
    The Man cordog009's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    East Texas
    Posts
    1,788

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by hotrod56cars View Post
    The 8 foot long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil.
    And I thought we only had Ark-La-Tex soil here where I live in the Ark-La-Tex area


    1984 Youngblood TX-19 SOLD

  15. #13
    Senior Member TahitiRat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Fort Worth Texas
    Posts
    376

    Default

    I went in to the pasture one time and didnt want to walk all the way to the fence charger, so I thought I would just be careful, but the wire we used was barded so I carefuly step threw the 2nd and 3rd strands not touching anything and I hing the a brab in the seam of my jeans in the croch and shocked the he!! out of my sack, then I jumped and stabed my self in the back and shocked the he!! out of myself, then I hit the ol bean bag again, but the barb was still in the seam and I could not get it out. I couldnt move becouse I would shock my gear. I also could not grab the wire to get it out of my pants finlly my dad came out saw me and unpluged the charger. I dont know how long I was there but it seamed like forever. When I got out my packege hurt my back hurt and was bleeding. I learned that barbed wire and electricty dont mix that day

  16. #14
    Senior Member Futs's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Orange CA, Big River
    Posts
    4,549

    Default

    That was a good read. funny as hell.

+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 1 2 LastLast

Quick Reply Quick Reply

Register Now

Please enter the name by which you would like to log-in and be known on this site.

Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Please select your insurance company (Optional)

Log-in


Tags for this Thread

Digg This Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may post new threads
  • You may post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95