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best of craigslist > santa barbara > Satanic Sexual Ritual Originally Posted: Thu, 18 Jun 17:13 PDT

Satanic Sexual Ritual

Date: 2009-06-18, 5:13PM PDT



Looking for a woman with evil appetites.
We will have nasty, evil, sweaty, probably illegal sexual encounters in order to bring about the rise of Lucifer. (ie Satan)
Must be willing to do all styles of sexual positions, except Missionary. That is the Lord's Way, and we will have none of that. Besides, if we do it Missionary, Satan gets angry and a kitten dies. I like kittens.

Must be into anal. For that is Satan's Alley. Must like blow jobs (Swallowing Lucifer's Gravy) and Hand Jobs (Milking the Evil Goat)
Must be into slight S&M (Safe word: Pink Sock)
Must be into erotic and evil costumes and lingerie. Leather Thongs, spikes, boots, black and evil bras that accentuate your bosom, Boba Fett costumes.
Must be willing to deep throat. (So that my satanic appendage will be closer to your black soul)
Must be into strap-ons so that I may feel the "Power of Beezlebub" coursing thru my lower intestines.

The perfect encounter will be this:

Meeting you at one of our local eatery's. Plying you with ample alcoholic libations. Enjoying a nice piece of animal flesh. Tipping the waiter only 10% instead of 15 to 20% (Because we are EVIL!) Taking you back to my lair. Removing your Gothic Garb, laying you roughly upon my "Sacrifice Altar" (Twin size futon), and promptly begin to nibble on your Satanic Slit. (Please shave before the ritual, as it's hard to be evil when you got pubes stuck in your fillings) Whence you are all moist with the Power of The Dark Lord's Juices, I will remove my cape and trousers and proceed to fill you with the Sceptre of His Infernal Majesty. You will writhe in pleasure so deep, it will call forth the Evil One himself! After 4 to 7 minutes of the most intense sexual experience of your God Fearing life, we will perform a Satanic Snuggle, until you gently fall asleep in my powerful arms.


If this taps into the Primordial Jelly you have buried deep down in your Dark Soul, then contact me and we will make beautiful, agonizing "love" together. We will combine our desires and perform rituals so evil, it will awaken the Evil Ancient One from His Firey Nap! He will spill forth from the Bowels of Hell like so much premature Satanic Ejaculate!!

Hails to the Evil One!!
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
:)sphssBong Operations Engineer

Date: 2009-08-28, 3:00PM PDT



Certified bong polisher and operations engineer. Twelve years experience with water-based pipes and clogged tubes, Ruby-on-Rails, resin, Apache Bong server, Vaporizer, and Java.

Previous job experience:

2005 - 2009
Couch Warmer
Sat on friends couch and surfed the Internet on my laptop.
DUTIES:
polished bongs
washed dishes
edited Wikipedia
Played Team Fortress 2
refilled bongs
built multi-national corporation from scratch, overnight, then dissolved it when patent lawsuit arrived from East Texas.

2000 - 2005
Hobo

1999 - 2000
CEO
GreatEntertainmentPlaceToBuyEntertaining.com
Owner, founder, marketing chief for startup Web site
DUTIES:
Smoked lots of bongloads
Raised $25 million from Dirt Hill
Raised Series B of $560 million from Koal Slaw Ventures

1993 - 1999
Boot Black
SF Market Street
DUTIES
Polished boots

Seeking bongification

ADO, .net C# C++ Java Java Java Java Java Java ruby java python perl bong java perl {LISP} haskell erlang amazon web services cloud sysadmin bonging donging bond HVAC HPVC

:)sphss
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
best of craigslist > detroit metro > GIRL FROM GLORY HOLE AT ADULT BOOKSTORE - m4w Originally Posted: Sun, 7 Jun 08:57 EDT

GIRL FROM GLORY HOLE AT ADULT BOOKSTORE - m4w

Date: 2009-06-07, 8:57AM EDT



I WAS THE GUY IN THE 3RD BOOTH, YOU POKED YOUR FINGER THROUGH THE HOLE, I FOUND IT WIERD THAT YOUR KNUCKLES WERE THAT HAIRY, BUT I UNDERSTAND HOREMONES. I PUT MY STUFF IN THE HOLE AND YOU WENT TO TOWN. IT WAS THE BEST I EVER HAD. YOUR HANDS WERE KINDA BIG AND WHEN YOU CLEARED YOUR THROAT, YOUR COUGH WAS KINDA DEEP. I KNOW YOU WERE A WOMAN BECAUSE I AM NOT GAY. I LOVE YOU A LOT AND WANT TO MARY YOU. I CAME BACK LATER, BUT THERE WERE ONLY GUYS IN THERE.
 

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