I found this guy on Craigslist. Maybe he can help you out?
Merciless writer willing to head-butt puppies (Phoenix)
Date: 2009-09-01, 9:09AM MST
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My name is Willy Parker, and I’m a merciless writer by trade.
I treat words like Russia treats its neighbours. Remember JFK? It wasn’t a bullet - his brain exploded after reading my package copy on a box of Quaker Oats.
People facing jury duty turned to me to write them out of their legal responsibility. I ghostwrote letters to the Sheriff on their behalf and not one of them ever had to serve.
I didn’t pay a cent for my education. A degree in copywriting (college), journalism (university) and film school - all paid in full by others because of my letter writing abilities.
Want to "persuade" your readers to buy something? Then hire a shaman, because persuasion is for sissies. I leave cheeks wet and panties yellowed.
I’ll kick your readers in the tenders with the literary equivalent of cleats, while burglarizing their souls in just a few paragraphs. For writing that snaps femurs and makes mothers moan, writing that causes a riot the moment a reader puts eyes on it, contact me.
Any voice, any subject, any medium. There is no such thing as taboo. I’ll ghostwrite or cockfight my way into your readers’ brains like meningitis.
Here's how it works:
1. No resume requests. A ninja doesn't give out business cards.
2. No reference requests. Mussolini didn't need a co-signer.
3. 25 cents a word, paid upfront. And yes, I do write Harlequin Romance.
4. Pitch your project in an email and I'll contact you if I'm interested.
5. View merciless samples at
http://willyparker.blogspot.com